When your Values don't Align

So, there’s a shake-up happening in your life and you’re uncomfortable. A high-level work project you led turns out successful, yet your colleague is being praised for the final leg. A friend ditched you and an unexpected scroll through IG is how you got notice.  Your partner pulls away for days and returns with a text message “Grandma died”, seeking emotional support. Or maybe you’ve just been having “blah” days. Whatever, your uncomfortable story is I promised it’s tied to the fact that you haven’t acted in alignment with your values.

Take inventory on what your values are.

Your values are the things that you believe are foundational in the way you move through life.

Its’ important that you know what your values are as they determine what your life priorities, goals, and actions are. Most likely, your values are how you measure yourself and the progress of your life.

Create a list of what actions align to your values.

Knowing what actions support your values will help you identify moments when they aren’t in alignment. If you are someone who values transparency and your partner is closed off for a period of time or YOU close off, then the action went against your value. And feeling uncomfortable about this makes sense. How you respond, determines whether or not your values are a priority.

Be open to choosing actions that align to your values.

Making an intentional effort to act in alignment with your values will support you with obtaining the life you want. If you value balance and you’ve been working 25 hours a day for weeks with no reprieve for your value, then you are creating a space that will result in you being uncomfortable.

Be willing to communicate your values.

We all don’t carry the same values. Hence, its vital that you not only act in alignment with your values, but you hold yourself accountable to sharing explicitly what your values are. Knowing someone’s values helps to consider how we can interact with someone or whether we even want to interact.

 

Do you know what your values are?

The Men in My Life

The Men in My Life

Truly are a blessing. They have shown me the power of being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. I am the only girl of five siblings and positioned right before the last. With the years of their friendships, I’ve gained even more brothers, friends and nephews along the way, leaving me with a tribe of amazing black men!

As we celebrate Father’s Day, I want to acknowledge how important and grateful I am for their relentless love & support.

Dad: I’ve watched you pick up and drop off mom: anywhere, anytime, any day for 34 years. Thank you for showing me what love and loyalty looks like.

Big Brother: I’ve watched you provide for your family the best way you know how. Thank you for showing me what sacrifice and love looks like.

Big Brother: I’ve watched you work tirelessly on your art. Thank you for showing me what commitment and passion looks like.

Big Brother: I’ve watched you practice self-care and evolution through failure and success. Thank you for showing me what accountability looks like.

Little Brother: I’ve watched you remain calm and take risks. Thank you for showing me what courage looks like.

Liam: I’ve watched you learn and decide on using words that are gentle yet have authority. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love and self-advocacy looks like.

GrayGray: I’ve watched you keep up with your older sister and cousin as they walked and you relentlessly crawled behind till now you’re the life of the party. Thank you for showing me what time looks like.

To all my black men out there, especially our dads, thank you for all you do.

 

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4 Ways to Reclaim your Peace at the Office

We can spend hours in conversation with our friends, moms, sisters, boyfriends, husbands, whoever has a listening ear giving them the pre-text, text, and post-text of “how crazy today was”. We can discuss why Brian couldn’t “just do it himself” or “why is it that I’m being called every time…” and my formerly favorite “I’m not getting paid for this.” We can even reject encouraging words with a simple word, “but” and the famous gossip intro, “Did you hear about…” Whatever attempt to self-soothing you choose, at what point do you take responsibility for your entitlement to peace?

You are absolutely right, “that is not fair” and yes I know, “she didn’t have to use your idea during the pitch.” But we can’t control how others behave. We can’t waste anymore time analyzing what a co-worker was thinking when they made that comment. It’s unproductive, leads to a road of misinterpretation, thus, clogging your mind. A clogged mind is unclear and unfocused.

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Define what eliminates your peace.

Think about what actions and reactions stir up your emotions and distract you from being the best you. Write them down. Spend time analyzing these statements and find, if any, a commonality. This can help you learn more about yourself and what you can or can’t handle at the workplace. Thus, finding peace.

Plan your reactions.

People reveal themselves through their actions. And most of the time, their actions are redundant. Earlier last week, I mentioned on IG that I keep a bible verse on the tip of my tongue. I do this to help me deal with the annoying moments in my day. We can plan our reactions to eliminate bitter feelings, address a negative response and walk out of any situation with a peace of mind. Control yourself. You are not a puppet, guided by someone else’s action. You have a mind of your own and you have the freedom to understand that most people’s actions are “NOT ABOUT YOU”. Unfortunately, we are receivers to people’s unhappiness, but on the other hand, don’t accept that. See it for what it is, unhappiness, choose to address it but leave it with that person. Thus, walking away with peace. 

Begin to think about your future.

Most of our frustration at work comes from not being happy with what you do or having no vision. Somehow people have embedded this false notion that their current situation is their future situation. If you’re not happy, you need to change it. Take the time to invest in yourself and make the proper adjustments so that you are working towards a career that makes you happy and implement a plan to get there. Or figure out what the vision for your work entails. Thus, owning peace.  

Take a break. ALONE!

if you aren’t taking time to eat throughout the day, change this immediately. I spent many years, plunging through lunch as if being overworked is empowering. With all the thoughts and decisions you have to make in a day, its important to eat and include a moment of quiet time. It’s not a luxury and its something you CAN afford. Lunching with friends can clog our minds with work gossip that we were better off just not knowing. You should value time to be with yourself; sorting your thoughts, enjoying your peace, and/or revitalizing for the remaining work day. There is power in being at peace with yourself.  

I encourage you to try something different.



Welcome to my site! I'm Natasha Joy Gordon

Why I started?

One very warm Tuesday in Jamaica, Gertrude boarded a plane to America holding two things, God’s word and hope for a better life. Leaving behind fear and familiarity in exchange for fulfilling something larger than yourself is the markings of moving towards living your best life. Two generations later and her spirit still moves me. I’m amazed at how relentlessly successful the women in my life have been yet puzzled by how critical they were of every turn or mistake made towards success. Instinctively, I’ve taken to using my faith and ambition to move through life’s struggles. However, in recent years I’ve had to question my grand-mother, my mother, and myself, “How kind have we’ve been to ourselves throughout our story?” I’m here to not only empower you with the tools and strategies to meet your goals but also to ensure you give yourself space and grace.

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I am a leader, educator, thought-provoker and self care activist with a passion for learning and serving. My educational background includes a B.A. in Psychology, M.A. in Childhood Education, and M.Ed. in Education Leadership with a focus on adult development.

With over 10 years in the education sector, I amplify the work of impact and sustainability in leadership and self care.

 
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